


The Way Back

by aforceawakening



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A journey into a dark subject such as mind torture and such, And this will supply a dump truck load of angst, Angst, Eventual Romance, F/M, Just wanted to have a slow burn returning to you type of fic, Language, eventual mature rating will be needed, marauder era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 00:19:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12829254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aforceawakening/pseuds/aforceawakening
Summary: "There will come a time, Miss Evans, when the ones we love may soon become our enemies." James Potter vanishes after a mission involving the Order goes wrong and turns into a Death Eater ambush. Upon James' return, Lily Evans finds he is no longer the man she knew. In fact, he is a potential threat to all of them.





	The Way Back

_"There will come a time, Miss Evans, when the ones we love may soon become our enemies."_

* * *

It was snowing. Lily stood in the deserted street alone and listened. Truly _listened_. She was waiting for the return of the hollow sound of someone apparating. But it was silent.

Remus should be back by now.

Lily awaited news, news she knew wouldn't likely reach her soon (if at all) yet she held out for hope. She shifted her hands out of her cloak pockets and gripped her wand, though she knew the attack was over.

The numbness came with the cold, that fact she knew, but perhaps it wasn't entirely due to the dropping temperature of the November night. She clenched her fists, hoping to allow the blood to _move_ , to stop being so dormant.

Dorcas was tasked with watching her and was strictly ordered not to let Lily leave her sight. But the Gryffindor knew that her friend needed nothing more than time to breathe. Time to cope. She didn't need a chaperone. And as far as one could tell, there was no evidence of danger.

Lily walked along the path that led to the tree in the backyard; in _her_ backyard. She grew up on this property. It was safe. It was home. She whispered a quick Lumos to illuminate the dark space as she continued around the corner.

Dumbledore's words continued to repeat in her mind. She did not know why but her mind drifted to that day two years prior when he sat her down in his office during the terms end to discuss the potential dangers leaving Hogwarts. But with war pending, and her blood status, his concern could not be diluted.

She stepped closer to the tree until she was inches away. Her eyes found the section that had the mark, the mark that James left. It was the signal he would leave if they ever were lost and the one that would help them find each other again. He carved it in the tree before any of it had happened. Before, when there was the threat of war, but it was not their reality. Not yet.

But he had vanished. Both him and Peter. And she was not certain that he would be leaving marks for her to find.

Her eyes, still locked on the mark, began to feel warm as the pressure began and she couldn't suppress it. She ended the spell and it became dark again. Upon closing her eyes, the tears had nowhere else to reside, so they fell. Her chest shook as she shivered and she dropped her wand to the ground. Her hand came up to her face to cover her eyes.

Her sadness was formed off of the fact that there was purely nothing she could do to find James.

It was then that she curled her fist and struck the tree. 

* * *

"Lily?"

Lily looked up from her tea to witness Dorcas sit down across from her, Dorcas' eyes were sad but filled with concern for her friend. She was a year younger than Lily, but she somehow seemed older. Her brown hair was a darker shade than her eyes, and her skin was bronze, but her wit was what people valued more than her appearance. Dorcas was a fellow member of the Order, and she participated in efforts to retrieve the Longbottoms following their disappearance.

Lily inhaled sharply and smiled, trying to look more awake. "Dorcas, did you sleep well?"

"I slept." She replied, shifting her eyes between Lily's and her bandaged hand. Lily didn't make much effort to conceal it, but Dorcas bandaged it for her anyway. She was the one who had discovered her performing the act. She had already hit the tree, but Dorcas stopped her before she attempted to once more. Lily didn't fight her.

"Any word on them?" The brunette asked.

Lily looked back at Dorcas, her concentration returning and she shook her head.

"We should have never even been there." Dorcas whispered.

"They needed us, Dorcas," Lily muttered, her thumbnail tapping her tea cup.

"Yes, I know." Dorcas answered, eyes lowering, "But now we have lost more of us."

* * *

_"Lily, run!"_

_James was yelling to her now, and she obeyed his command. Wasting no time, she began running, her body not moving as quickly as she wanted due to her disguise. But the polyjuice potion was wearing off, she felt her bones shifting as she regained her body instead of Janet Decroile's. But the pain was slowing her down._

_He knew she was a fake. Mance Purvorice wasn't fooled as planned. And now, they needed to run._

_Because they were coming. Mance had called them._

_Death Eaters._

_"Sirius!" James called out. Sirius was in front of Lily, just behind Dorcas and Marlene, and his hair was returning to its dark shade. He turned to look at James as Lily looked for a way out. Her body was nearly restored. She turned to look back at James and Peter who were shouting spells to their enemies behind them. Crabbe appeared in a cloud of darkness and deflected their attacks before he began running. Then Rabastan landed. Suddenly, she felt Sirius grip her arm and pull her faster through the alley._

_But she wasn't fast enough._

_The curse hit her and her body fell to the ground. Though, the fall added only further to her pain as she was already enveloped in it. The Cruciatus curse hit her just above her hip but she felt the pain throughout her entire body._

_She didn't hear her screams (though later she was informed of them), she just remembered moving. Sirius dropped down to the ground next to her and yelled her name, though she was informed of that later as well. Sirius stood and harshly shot curses back at Rabastan. He evaporated in a cloud of black smoke before the curses could reach him. And Sirius further focused his efforts on Crabbe._

_James shot one last curse at Wilkes, who had landed after Rabastan, before he turned to look for Sirius and Lily. He noticed Sirius was stationary, shooting curses from his wand, instead of leading Lily to safety. Then his eyes landed on Lily and his body uncontrollably halted from the surprise. But he wasn't able to run to his wife's side before Peter was pulling him away and to the left alleyway to shield him from a curse. But even after he had pulled him away, Peter's grip didn't loosen. He managed to hold James still._

_"Peter, let go! You need to help Sirius, take out Crabbe! I need to stop Wilkes before he—"_

_"No, Prongs. This is—I have to." Peter mumbled, his eyes wide with fear but there was something else about them. James frowned at Peter, but wasn't able to continue the disagreement that lingered on his tongue before Peter reached in his pocket for the Portkey and both he and James had vanished._

* * *

Lily opened her eyes and found that there, on the bedside table, was a glass of water that had been placed there for her. But when she closed her eyes she saw James.

She relived that night once again, though this time, she imagined James witnessing her being struck with the Cruciatus curse. She squeezed her eyes tightly together, trying to suppress her mind from reliving the pain.

She didn't know what happened after she got hit, so she wasn't sure whether or not James had seen her fall before he and Peter disappeared, but it was the most painful scenario. Because if James saw her in pain, she knew it would cause him pain. Because that is how it would feel for her seeing him in pain.

So she shut her eyes, squeezed them tight, and wished that James didn't see her before he vanished. 

* * *

  _"Fuck." Remus muttered under his breath. The profanity surprised him, though he disregarded it, because he was frustrated and he didn't quite give a damn. Sirius had apparated back to Lily's to return news to the Order members. Only there wasn't any news to report. Dumbledore's office was quiet, and Remus was left to his own thoughts. His eyes searched the map once more. Nothing. Not a damn thing._

_Where could they be? Sirius mentioned that the chances of Rabastan and the others following James and Peter were slim to none. Remus trusted the fact that his friends were smart. That they knew how to apparate without being followed. Yet with no word from them something just felt wrong._

_James would never have left Lily, especially if he had seen her struck with a curse with that severity._

_"Hagrid has informed me that he has spoken with the centaurs." Remus turned to get a glimpse of Dumbledore, who entered in silence. "There is no sign of Mr. Potter and Mr. Pettigrew along the Eastern edge."_

_Remus folded up the map and placed it in his pockets once more before he nodded. "Have you spoken with the Minister?"_

_Dumbledore sauntered over to his desk, his hands clasped together before he turned to look at Remus. "There was word that the two wizards had been sighted near the Ruins taken forcibly, outside the Forest of Dean. The Minister mentioned that the one who provided the information also noticed Rabastan Lestrange."_

_Remus clenched his jaw. "And how definite is this information?"_

_"It was anonymous." Dumbledore answered._

_"Then it is—" Remus quipped, his attitude shifting from discomfort to irritation. "It is a trap."_

_"Mr. Lupin, I understand your concern—"_

_"That forest is dark, professor. You know what the Ruins represent. There is no bystander who would innocently stumble upon James and Peter being taken to the Ruins. That is what you are saying, correct?" Remus was pacing now, his hands shaking from the anger. "That tip was sent because they know we save our friends despite the complete danger of doing so. If it is James and Peter, danger will be awaiting us."_

_Dumbledore walked over to Lupin, his hand reaching his shoulder. "I have mentioned to the Minister the nature of the Ruins. But if we don't act upon this information, perhaps there will be consequences more severe than danger."_

_Remus closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. "Alright. I'll round up the others—"_

_"I'm afraid, time is a pressing issue, Mr. Lupin." Dumbledore interrupted. "Due to the possibility of harm Mr. Potter and Mr. Pettigrew might have already had inflicted upon them, I am sorry to inform you that the Ministry has already set the mission into play."_

_Remus' eyes widened with disbelief. He shook his head harshly before he muttered a quick "Buggering—" but his sentiment could not be finished before he apparated to the Ruins outside of the Forest of Dean._

* * *

She rolled out of her bed, letting out a soft groan and putting more pressure on her left leg than her right leg. Because of where the curse hit Lily on her right hip, she learned a rhythm that worked best to avoid as much pain as possible.

She made her way down the stairs, the third one down creaking loudly. She heard low voices in the common area.

"We didn't see either of them before they vanished along with Wilkes and Crabbe." Sirius muttered tiredly. "Best guess is that they tried to find safety. Which is what all of us were trying to do. But James—he wouldn't have left Lily. Peter probably ushered James along before he could protest. Peter never was one for fights."

Lily rounded the corner to find Sirius and Auror Cambell Turner sitting opposite one another in the common area. Cambell turned to look at Lily, Sirius followed his gaze and gave Lily a weak smile.

"Just going over statements, Lils." Sirius explained. Lily walked over to where Sirius was sitting and sat as well.

"I'm assuming there is nothing new you can report?" She asked, almost hopelessly. It had been fifteen days. James made no effort to contact her.

"Afraid not, Mrs. Potter." Cambell replied. Lily winced, but not out of discomfort, but rather surprise. She still wasn't used to her new name. It made her sound older, like a mother of three rather than a twenty-year-old witch.

James was smart. She knew he would not return home because they would find him there. He was absent in Hogwarts as far as the map could inform them. Remus was there now, searching the secret passage ways and working with Dumbledore and Hagrid to search the Forbidden Forest. Lily had no family left beyond Petunia, and James would have no motive to hide out with her and Vernon.

And most importantly, from what she understood, Wilkes and Crabbe were nowhere to be found either. Mance Purvorice called upon them for assistance when the plan (which was to get him to tell the marauders the location of the Longbottoms by pretending to be his trusted confidants) had failed and he discovered the deception.

James, if still alive and not being hunted, should return to Lily's childhood home where they had been living since the spring. And the fact that he hadn't, crippled Lily with dread.

"Did you receive that wound in the attack, Mrs. Potter?" Cambell asked, causing Lily to return her attention to the audience in the common room. She looked down at her hand.

"No. I was clumsy. Dinged it on the cabinet." She lied. She didn't look at Sirius, but she knew he wouldn't say otherwise. He understood why she lied.

"I see." Cambell replied. "And what is your husband's relationship with Mr. Pettigrew?"

Lily looked up at the Auror. "I'm sorry?"

"Peter Pettigrew? Would you say they are close?"

Lily was shocked by the content of the question, she paused before she answered. "He and James are mates. Good mates. They…uh—well. The lot of them"—she indicated to Sirius (and Remus, even though he wasn't there)—"They are inseparable. James trusts Peter with his life. As do I. As does Sirius."

Lily looked over at Sirius who nodded in agreement.

"Right." Cambell scribbled the notes in his parchment before he stood up. "I understand you are all overwhelmed, but have faith. We are stressing our resources to find Mr. Potter and Mr. Pettigrew."

Lily smiled weakly as Sirius thanked him. Lily walked to the kitchens while Sirius walked the Auror out. She began preparing tea when Sirius walked in.

"You trust Peter with your life, Evans?" Sirius pondered. Lily eyebrow arched at the usage of her previous surname.

"Do you doubt me?" She muttered as she laced the tea with sugar.

"James and Peter have been mates since first year. They grew up together. We grew up together. That does something to a person. That kind of trust is….bound. Like two trees planted near each other, the roots tend to tangle."

Lily placed her cup to the side and crossed her arms as Sirius continued.

"You and Peter only got to know each other seventh year. And I know it's been two years since term ended, but Peter….he isn't as…prone to getting to know new people. And while he likes you and I wouldn't call you two not mates, I just—"

"I trust Peter, Sirius." She interjected. "James is a big part of that. But Peter hasn't given me a reason not to. If James trusts him, so do I." Lily uncrossed her arms and gave Sirius a small smile to assure him. She walked over to Sirius and handed him the tea. "Drink. You look exhausted. When was the last time you slept?"

"A while before all of this." Sirius answered and took the tea. "No luck with the mirror today. But I doubt he will go by his parents place to answer it." He added.

Lily nodded. She didn't expect James to answer either. Lily placed her hand on Sirius' shoulder and looked up at him sadly. "Thank you."

Sirius shrugged and sipped the tea. Lily left the kitchen to the common area. She picked up the Daily Prophet and her eyes grazed the names of the deceased wizards. She had read the paper earlier that morning, so there was no news to report that she hadn't already read. But she somehow felt that each time she read it, it might change. She folded it over and looked at the clock. It was nearing eight o'clock. She supposed she should—

The sound of the tea cup shattering on the floor was startling. But there was another sound, a hollow noise. The sound of someone apparating.

"Lily!"

Sirius called her from the kitchen. She rushed to Sirius but by the time she reached the kitchen, he was already rushing to the front door. She turned her gaze out to the window by the table to witness a clear view of the street.

In the street, Remus Lupin was crouched over her unconscious husband.

* * *

"…he endured a lot, Lily. I wouldn't be surprised if he did not wake for…."

"…sign of Peter. We tracked them to the Ruins by the Forest of Dean, which we believe is the Carrows'…."

"Marlene, can you bring more—wait…his eyes… do you see them shifting? Do you suppose he is dreaming?..."

"…how did you hurt your hand?...A tree? Dorcas, what did I—"

"…love you. You can fight this, James."—"pitch a fit if you knew that a fever was keeping you unconscious"—"….rather it be a head blow from a bludger or some ruddy quidditch injury."—" _Come back to me_." 

* * *

The sound of something crashing above caused Lily to jump out of her slumber. She looked around. It sounded like it came from upstairs but she wasn't entirely sure she hadn't dreamed the sound either. She turned her head and listened, perhaps Dorcas just—

Then another crash occurred.

Lily quickly stood up from the couch and raced over to the stair case. When she reached the top, she raced to the bedroom James was in, still unconscious with a fever. She swung the door open with haste but was met with—"Bombarda!"—aimed directly left of her shoulder, which hit the door frame and blasted the wood to shards which flung themselves all down the hallway and clattering down the stairs. Lily consequently was thrown backwards with the force and landed with full force on her left arm.

She coughed and her face tensed with the pain. After a minute, she lifted her head to look inside the room, her fingers pressing against the floor to prop herself up just enough to see. Remus and Sirius were desperately trying to restrain James, who was swearing and struggling violently in their grips. Sirius managed to retrieve his wand which James had stolen to send the curse.

Lily gaped at her husband. She couldn't rationalize his behavior. What did they—

James' attention then turned to Lily, who was still on the ground, her mouth agape in confusion and horror. His eyes were rimmed red and his face was worn from trauma she could only imagine he had received over the past few days.

With one difficult surge of energy, Lily was on her feet once more, her body moving. Remus was yelling to her, but she wasn't listening to his words, she just heard his voice, a loud confused noise. Lily's eyes focused on James. She felt the heat behind her ears, and the pressure behind her eyes, her body's natural reaction to the shock. But this was not the time. She needed to be strong for James. She needed—

James' eyes were filled with hatred; disgust. He watched Lily get closer. She wasn't far away when he spat at her; his body convulsing once more.

"You..." He hissed, his mouth forming into an aggressive snarl. "I killed you!" 

Lily had extended her hand to reach for him but retracted it once his words sunk in.

Sirius pushed James' shoulder down as hard as he could and raised his wand, but James was strong and he and Remus struggled.

James' gaze never left Lily's. 

"Just as well. I will again." He began. "Tell me, Evans, do you know what happens to Mudbloods who linger?" James asked in a scathing voice. He opened his mouth to conclude the statement, but before he was able to finish, Sirius raised his wand and stunned him unconscious.

The room was silent then. Excruciatingly so.

Lily was still, she felt her breathing increase as she looked up at Sirius and then Remus before returning her gaze to her husband's still face. She backed up slowly.

"Lily…" Remus began, slowly walking towards her. She looked up and became aware of the wetness on her cheeks.

"What—" She began, but her voice caught in her throat.

"We believe…" He paused. He glanced around the room, looked at the dresser which had fallen during the struggle. And then to the shattered bedside lamp across the room. Then he looked at Lily. James' words still ringing in his ears. In her ears. He couldn't finish the sentence.

So Sirius spoke in his place.

"We think they altered his memory."

 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic centers on a concept I have been working on for a while now. 
> 
> As you can tell, it has our Marauders and Lily post-Hogwarts and into their early adulthood careers. I wanted to choose a time post-school to compliment this theory of kidnapping and memory hijacking. Felt it was a bit more adult, and fit well with the impending war they face. 
> 
> Hope you have enjoyed so far. Will update soon.


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